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가난한 너희, 행복하다

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가난한 너희, 행복하다

가정폭력 생존 여성들의 희망이야기

저자 : 남금란  | 열린서원 | 2021-03-12 출간

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ISBN 9791189186081
쪽수 172
크기 150*225

이 책이 속한 분야




<책 소개>


 


<가난한 너희, 행복하다>라는 이 책은 실로 어려운 가정환경에서 폭력으로 시달리던 눈물겨운 여성들의 삶의 고백이요, 갱생을 꿈꾸는 희망의 백서다. 시설에 입소한 여성들의 길게, 혹은 짧은 여정 속에서 경험했던 절절한 희로애락이 잘 나타나 있다. 뿐만 아니라, 시설을 운영하는 입장에서 원장을 포함한 직원들의 이야기도 진솔하게 담겨 있다. 입소 가족들의 이야기 중에는 <쉼과 치유의 시간>을 고백한 ‘구름’님의 감동적인 이야기로부터 시작하여, ‘나무’님의 <목숨과


바꾼 이혼>이라는 제목 그 자체처럼, 한 인간이 폭력 앞에 이혼을 해야 할 수밖에 없었던 비극적인 이야기도 우리에게 충격을 주면서 동시에 많은 교훈과 연민을 안겨 주고 있다. 뿐만 아니라, <혼자서 키워야 할 세 아이들>을 고백한 ‘노을’님은 흉기로 폭력을 당하면서 살아야 했던 비참한 이야기도 들려준다. 뿐만 아니라, 엄마로서 <아이들을 위해서라도> 자신이 변해야겠다는 각오를 다짐하는 ‘달래’님, 그리고 <흩어진 가족, 또 하나의 가족>을 고백한 ‘봄이’ 님은 한 가정의 불화와 폭력이 얼마나 자신과 아이에게 치명적인 것인가를 눈물겹게 전하면서 쉼터로서의 새로운 가족이 큰 위로가


되고 있음을 전해주고 있다. ...


이상과 같은 입소자들의 하나같은 감동 이야기는 그 어느 하나도 땅에 묻히기 아까운 보석 같은 글들이기에, 지난 몇 해 동안에 걸쳐서 함께 울고 웃으며 보낸 소망의 글이자 치유의 글이라 하지 않을 수 없다. 함께 수록된 직원들의 글 모음에서는 원장님의 글이 중심이 되어, 지난 여정 속에서의 애환과 그 극복의 사례들이 잔잔한 감동을 주고 있다.


그리고 시설에서의 직원들의 주된 경험이 담겨 있다.


원장의 글은 내용이 풍부하여 충분히 다 수록하지 못한 아쉬움이 있지만 별도의 간행을 기대해 본다. 다양한 장르의 글 속에, 시설을 책임지고 있는 원장은 때로는 매주 집단 상담을 통해, 시설 입소자들과 함께 눈물 흘리며 모두가 동시에 깨어나는 눈물겨운 감동의 이야기들이 실려 있고, 여행 나들이를 통해서는 “평생 한번 여행을 다녀 보지 못했다”는 입소자들의 고백을 들으며, 삶이 무엇인가를 다시 느끼게 하는 대목도 눈길을 끈다. 특히 숲 속에서의 자연 치유의 경험들은 기대 이상의 효과를 가져왔고, 입소 이후 모두가 서서히 자립의 길을 가고 있는 모습을 보면서 그러한 일화들을 감동 깊게 전해 주고 있다.


 


<책 본문>



⁂ 들어가면서
“가난한 너희, 행복하다”


“쉼터의 집단상담, 이 모임은 나이, 학력, 계층의 구분 없이 저희 집에 오신 분은 다 받으시게 됩니다. 우리는 이곳에서 가족이 되었습니다. 상처 입은 생면부지의 사람들이 모여 가족이 되어가는 과정은 실로 기적이라 하지 않을 수 없습니다. 자신의 습관과 생각과 행동이 일상생활의 모든 면에 고스란히 드러나 적잖은 갈등의 연속입니다. 가족이기 때문에 이 갈등을 피할 수가 없으며 함께 살아가기 위해서는 순간순간의 갈등을 화해로 바꾸어내야만 고통 없이 살아갑
니다. 짧게는 2, 3개월, 길게는 1년 동안 함께 지낸 우리는 관계의 갈등을 직면하고 돌파하는 필연적인 과정을 거치게 됩니다. ‘관계의 문제’는 결국 ‘자신의 문제’로 귀결되기 때문입니다. 무조건 참는 것이 아니라, 민주적인 방식의 대화로 개선하게 됩니다. 그래서 가족 회의도 거치고 의사소통하는 법도 배우고 개인 상담이나 심신회복캠프, 문화여가 활동 등을 통해 부정적인 감정을 해소하기도 합니다.”
(본문 10쪽)



<쉼 터>


“내 안에도 내 밖에도 피난처가 없어서 여기에 왔습니다. 내 자신이 나를 똑바로 볼 수 있을 때까지, 내가 나의 비밀을
다른 사람들과 나눌 수 있을 때까지, 있는 그대로의 내 모습이 부끄럽지 않을 때까지, 다른 사람들이 내게 대해 알게 될까봐 두려워하지 않을 때까지, 혼자서도 창조적이고 힘 있는 내가 되어 너와도 깊이 나눌 수 있을 때까지, 자신의 빛에 의해 진정 안전하게 보호받을 수 있을 때까지, ‘나’라는 느낌과 사이좋게 지내는 곳이랍니다.”
(본문 12-13쪽)



<자유를 달라>


목련/시설장


“오늘 한 분이 만기가 되셔서 이곳을 떠나가셨습니다. 감사와 아쉬움의 눈물을 쉼 없이 흘리면서요. 이 분이 일 년 전 이곳에 오셨을 때, 심한 폭력 후유증으로 망상이 깊었습니다. 아무 일 없는데도 계속 구타당하는 공포 말입니다. 이분이 칠십 여 년 전 태어났을 때가 음력 1월 1일이었는데 딸이 정월 초하루에 태어나 재수가 없다며, 아버지가 그 전 해 섣달그믐날로 생일을 바꾸었다고 합니다. 이처럼 이 분의 인생은 출생에서부터 존재의 무게란 없었습니다. 그믐날 생일이 자신도 편하다 하실 만큼 단 한 번도 자신의 목소리나 욕구를 드러내질 못하고 살았습니다. 모든 일상에서 자신이 받는 그런 처우를 당연한 듯 받아들이나, 늘 불안과 막연한 우울감으로 갖가지 통증을 가지고 계셨습니다. 너무 착해서 얼핏 보면 성녀(聖女) 같은데 자신은 정작 고통에 시달리고 있었으니, ‘착한 사람’ 이라는 상처뿐인 훈장만 얻는 셈입니다. ... ”



<쉼과 치유의 시간>


구름


“이곳에 오기 전에는 내가 제일 불쌍하고 비참하다고 생각했다. 그런데 여기 와서 보니 내 형편이 나은 편이었다. 수 십 년의 오랜학대와 남편의 외도로 살아 오시면서도 한 푼도 자신 이름의 집도 절도 없는 할머니, 그리고 혼자 삼형제를 어렵게 키우고도 아들에게 버림받은 할머니도 있었다. 같이 살면서는 의처증으로 괴롭히다가 이제는 집요하게 찾아서 ‘같이 죽어야 끝을 내겠다’는 남편을 둔 언니, 돈 쓰는 것을 일일이 감시당해 온 분도 계셨다. 여기에 와서 오히려 이 분들께 조금이라도 내가 도움이 되었으면 하는 마음까지 생겼다. 이것만으로도 벌써 치유가 되었다. 개인 상담에서 위로도 받았지만, 아픈 것이 건드려져 나를 봐야하기도 했다. 가까운 복지관에서 운동을 하면서 체력단련도 하고, 집단상담 시간
에는 많이 울었다. 의사소통, 갈등다루기도 배우며 마음의 응어리를 털어내며 깨끗한 물로 씻는 것 같았다. 무엇보다 여행과 나들이가 제일 행복한 것 같다. 나는 행복이 뭔지 조금 알았고 이렇게 좋은 세상이 있다는 것도 알았다. 아이들도 비밀전학이 되어 안심이 되고 다양한 프로그램으로 많은 경험을 했다. 아이들은 마치 대안교육을 받는 것 같았다. 시설이기 때문에 친구들이 놀러오지 못하는 것은 마음 아프다. 아이가 마치 나를 보디가드처럼 지키려는 태도를 보이는 것이 고마우면서도 너무 빨리 자라버린 것 같아 짠하다.가난한 너희, 행복하다 l 21
아이 상담선생님과 오늘 이야기를 나누면서 우리가 할 수 있는 것에 집중하고 감사하자고 했다. 안타까운 점도 있지만 그 약함이 또한 우리를 강하게 할 것이기 때문이다.” (본문 20-21쪽)



<혼자서 키워야 할 세 아이들>
노을


“칼에 찔린 복부로 인한 큰 수술을 쉼터에 와서 두 차례 했다. 남편의 주먹에 의해 부서진 이빨치료까지 그 비싼 비용을 시설에서 지불했다. 정말 상상도 못한 일이었다. 고통도 컸지만 감사도 크다.
원장님이 ‘이제는 가정폭력도 개인의 일이 아니라 사회와 국가차원의 일’이니 마음 편하게 치료받으라고 했다. 그동안 고통당한 것에 대한 사회의 작은 보상이라고 하셨다.
여기 와서 ‘우리나라가 좋은 나라’라는 생각을 했다. 막내인 딸은 데리고 왔으나 친정에 두고 온 두 아들이 보고 싶고
걱정 되었다. 이제 혼자서 셋을 키워야한다. 시설에서 수급권과 임대주택 같은 정보를 접하고 자식이 많을수록 정부의 지원도 많다는 걸 알았다. 퇴소를 하더라도 쉼터와 연락할 생각이다. 아이들이 사춘기라 경제적인 면 뿐 만이 아니라, 벌써 학교에서 폭력을 보이는 둘째 아들이 힘겹다. 자녀 양육에 대한 상담을 계속 받고 싶다.
쉼터의 교육과 상담을 통해 아이양육에 대한 도움을 많이 받았다.
내 몸이 이래서 아직 여유가 없다. 내가 도저히 안 되는 것을 느껴 교회도 나가고 기도하기 시작했다. 아들도 이 기도를 들을까? 제발 도와주십시오. 하나님.”
(본문 23쪽)


 
 


들어가면서 <가난한 너희, 행복하다> 시설장 남금란


격려사 전국여교역자연합회복지재단 이사장 남영애


1부. 쉼터가족 글 모음


“자유를 달라”<목련> ························································· 18


쉼과 치유의 시간<구름> ··················································· 20


목숨과 바꾼 이혼<나무> ··················································· 22


혼자서 키워야 할 세 아이들<노을> ································· 23


아들을 위해서라도<달래> ················································· 24


흩어진 가족, 또 하나의 가족<봄이> ································ 25


과잉 행동하는 아들이<무궁화> ········································ 26


거센 광풍 앞에서<구슬> ··················································· 28


타인의 시선<은하수> ························································ 30


나의 삶<장미> ··································································· 31


쉼터에서 전세 집까지<물망초> ········································ 32


홀로 서기<동백> ································································ 33


어둠 속에서 퍼지는 향기<달빛> ······································· 34


나를 알아간 황금 같은 집단상담 그리고 자립<가을희망>····· 35


심신회복 캠프를 다녀와서<샤이니> ································· 36


아이들 사물놀이·································································· 37


나의 옥탑 방<국화> ·························································· 38


첫 월급날<봉숭아> ···························································· 38


검푸른 얼굴이 하얗게 드러나며<민들레> ························ 39


나의 자립이야기<장금이> ················································· 40


새 엄마, 새 생활<흰구름> ················································ 41


거듭난 삶<파초> ································································ 42


참 좋다<몽실> ··································································· 43


매일 아침 사랑으로 꽃을 키우는 나 몽실에게·················· 44


이름 모를 아름다운 분에게················································ 45


나리 언니에게····································································· 46


외로워지면··········································································· 47


이쁜이 언니! ········································································ 48


공주 밤 따러 가서······························································ 49


서울 여행············································································· 50


2020년을 보내는 감사의 기도··········································· 51


소리 길<진달래> ································································ 53


삶························································································· 54


내 마음의 감옥···································································· 55


장미 공원에서····································································· 56


터 널···················································································· 57


주머니 속 모난 돌······························································ 58


든든한 나의 보호자····························································· 59


북촌마을 투어····································································· 61


이기지 못할 시련은 없다···················································· 63


DMZ 생태체험····································································· 64


거꾸로 말하기<나비> ························································ 66


2020년을 보내며<사랑> ···················································· 686


공동체<백합> ····································································· 69


비························································································· 70


북한산 생태 숲에서<라일락> ············································ 71


무궁화 정원········································································· 72


접시꽃·················································································· 73


봉숭아꽃<하늘> ································································· 74


상처····················································································· 75


화려한 외출········································································· 76


외로워지면··········································································· 77


살아있어 행복하다<햇살> ················································· 78


어버이 날············································································· 79


우리 가족············································································· 80


쉬어가는 곳, 인생 쉼터······················································ 81


내가 좋아하는 것································································ 81


부모님 같으신 원장님························································· 82


내가 사는 집······································································· 83


찔레꽃·················································································· 84


신경 쓰는 일은 이제 싫다·················································· 84


연꽃 구경············································································· 85


소 풍···················································································· 86


오늘<나리> ········································································ 87


북한산 공원 나들이····························································· 87


갈 등···················································································· 88


나에게·················································································· 88


쉼 터···················································································· 89


숲························································································· 89


가족 꽃················································································ 90


우리 애들 걱정···································································· 91


나의 인생사<이쁜이> ························································ 92


가족회의·············································································· 93


서울구경·············································································· 93


2020년을 보내며································································· 94


나비야<라벤다> ································································· 95


인생이란·············································································· 96


나는 잘 가고 있는가? ···················································· 97


세월아, 세월아···································································· 98


2부. 섬기는 이들(직원)의 글 모음


수채화 같은 이야기 한 편<목련> ··································· 100


점토로 나눈 이야기·························································· 102


성탄절 모임에서································································ 104


저절로 그려진 그림·························································· 106


붓을 잡다·········································································· 107


직원 나들이······································································· 108


가을 강화여행··································································· 109


무궁화호 바다열차 여행··················································· 110


숲으로의 소풍··································································· 111


민들레 홀씨 마을에 부는 희망바람·································· 1128


세 가지 소원····································································· 114


첫 발자국·········································································· 115


초딩 1학년의 이 닦기······················································· 117


딸기 하나·········································································· 119


시설 아이들 전학 유감····················································· 120


별이 돌잔치에서································································ 122


자기 동굴 속에서 나온 아기············································ 124


기쁨으로 일하기-하나님의 일에 협력하는 것················ 126


연대의 힘·········································································· 128


문고리를 잠그며································································ 130


함께 성장한 시간 속에서·················································· 131


다시 한 해를 마무리하며·················································· 133


써도 없어지지 않고 돈도 안 드는 명약·························· 135


여교역자와 함께································································ 136


성탄절 연휴 근무······························································ 137


거리의 성녀······································································· 138


마음아, 고요해져라. ·························································· 139


맞닥뜨리게 되니································································ 141


하나님이 모든 것을 하시도록 나는 고백합니다·············· 143


주는 것과 받는 것···························································· 145


스스로를 피워 내는 사랑·················································· 147


송년회················································································ 149


빗방울<달팽이> ······························································· 151


코로나19 ············································································ 152


성장한 입사 1년, 감사합니다··········································· 153


달팽이의 하루··································································· 154


한 해를 돌아보며<이쁨> ················································· 155


이곳에 오기까지<장미> ··················································· 157


2020년과 나<해바라기> ·················································· 159


아동 원예 치료 소감<개나리> ········································ 162


3부. 기타


“마음속의 물과 불을 꺼내어 이야기하기”<상담사 최재숙>·· 164


고통과 아픔을 넘어<상담사 문국자> ····························· 165


나가면서<편집자 이명권> ··············································· 168


※전국여교역자연합회복지재단


가정폭력피해자보호시설 연혁···························· 17


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남금란 소개

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장로회신학대학교 대학원 졸업
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